Summer Plans
Things I want to do this summer...
Read some books, paint a painting, study the New Testament, eat some good food...
Post-grad summer is looking pretty nice.
Read some books, paint a painting, study the New Testament, eat some good food...
Post-grad summer is looking pretty nice.
Written on Tuesday, June 19, 2012 at 11:16 PM
by tini
I feel so beat up.
Long story short, my professor sent out an e-mail on BBVista something about group presentations for tomorrow (or rather...today in 5 hours), but I don't think my group knows that I am in their group because I got no e-mails from them in the past five days since he sent this thing out. And I don't know any names of the people in my group, but even if I did, it wouldn't matter because I never check BBVista and so I didn't even find out about this assignment until now. FIVE. HOURS. BEFORE. CLASS. This is the only class I've ever really had to use BBVista at all so I'm not used to having to check it, but I know that's no excuse.
And this isn't even the most of my problems. It's just one example among many that I'm just clueless and oblivious to what's going around me in school. Thesis is due in two weeks and what have I done, exactly? All these ideas but no where close to being finished. I don't even know if I'll be able to graduate, and that freaks me out. How will I explain to my parents? What do I even say?
I feel so miserable, as I always do when it comes to school, and I'm so overwhelmed by the amount of work I've piled up for myself. The next two weeks are going to be grueling and painful, and I just can't find the motivation to work. I don't know what to do. I feel so weak and sad...and tired. I'm just tired all the time.
Lost sheep.
Long story short, my professor sent out an e-mail on BBVista something about group presentations for tomorrow (or rather...today in 5 hours), but I don't think my group knows that I am in their group because I got no e-mails from them in the past five days since he sent this thing out. And I don't know any names of the people in my group, but even if I did, it wouldn't matter because I never check BBVista and so I didn't even find out about this assignment until now. FIVE. HOURS. BEFORE. CLASS. This is the only class I've ever really had to use BBVista at all so I'm not used to having to check it, but I know that's no excuse.
And this isn't even the most of my problems. It's just one example among many that I'm just clueless and oblivious to what's going around me in school. Thesis is due in two weeks and what have I done, exactly? All these ideas but no where close to being finished. I don't even know if I'll be able to graduate, and that freaks me out. How will I explain to my parents? What do I even say?
I feel so miserable, as I always do when it comes to school, and I'm so overwhelmed by the amount of work I've piled up for myself. The next two weeks are going to be grueling and painful, and I just can't find the motivation to work. I don't know what to do. I feel so weak and sad...and tired. I'm just tired all the time.
Lost sheep.
Labels: deadlines, fears, finals, frustrations, ugh, weariness
Written on Tuesday, May 29, 2012 at 1:57 AM
by tini
taipei nomz
Places to eat when I go to Taiwan...
1. Berry COBO (02)2741-6898, 台北市大安區敦化南路一段160巷62號
1. Berry COBO (02)2741-6898, 台北市大安區敦化南路一段160巷62號
2. 辛發亭冰品店, 台北士林区安平街1号
3. Shabu Shabu
To be continued.
Written on Sunday, May 27, 2012 at 9:52 PM
by tini
Grad Night Testimony
"Today, I want to share with you two things that have blessed me greatly - The first part is how I've seen God work at Drexel. For those of you who don't know, Drexel ministry/HCF has been known for it's lack of girls. I came to Drexel and joined the family groups as not just the only freshman girl, but ended up being what seemed like the only girl that year. But over the last four years, I've had the privilege of witnessing God answering prayers in growing our girl's ministry. From one girl, to five, to eight, and then finally, to more than 20 girls this year! Even today, there are three of us here in the senior class, about to graduate. I know that numbers aren't the most important thing, but it has really encouraged me so much to see how faithful God is to His church, and how faithful He is in answering prayers.
The second thing I want to share with you is how God has blessed and grown me personally the past four years. Coming into college, I can tell you right now that I did not love God. I was raped two months before I left home for school. This is actually something I wasn't planning to share, but after a lot of thought, it feels important that I do. It was something that I didn't get to process after the fact, but looking back, I know that my relationship with God was severely tarnished. My insecurities started to constantly overwhelm me - there was never a moment when I didn't feel worthless, ugly, and most of all, dirty. Of course, no one could really tell. I went to church every Sunday, I attended both Drexel family groups my freshman year, and I went to most of the church events. But I think that there was a part of me that thought the more involved I was in church, the more clean and beloved I would become. Looking back, I think I also equated my involvement and church attendance with my love for God and maybe the extent of His forgiveness towards me, and I remember thinking that eventually, everything was going to be okay and I could just pretend that nothing had ever happened.
But that was not the case at all. Going into my sophomore year and continuing throughout my junior year, I realized that I did not feel any cleaner, and I also realized that I did not feel loved. I became angry with the church and with God, and it was very easy for me to make excuses to not attend church or meetings or events. There were a few times I tried to share what happened with a handful of friends, and while a couple could only express words of comfort, I quickly stopped trying when I was told by the rest that it wasn't an uncommon thing to happen, or that I probably even deserved it. This only added to my hurt and bitterness.
Honestly, I can't really say what changed between then and later; all I know is that, the summer between junior and senior year, God was working in me, and I can only credit His grace for opening my eyes to His love and blessings before me. Coming into senior year, everything was far from perfect, but at least I felt okay with everything around me. I wasn't necessarily buzzing with excitement, but I wasn't angry or sad. I kind of just felt like it was going to be an okay last year. But you know, God has shown me so much more this year than I could have ever imagined. Either that, or my eyes have just been less blind. But this year, again, I've been able to see God grow Drexel so much. I've been able to actively seek healing for my past hurts and pains. Above all, I've been able to see God actively loving me through those around me. I came into college feeling unlovable, unforgiven and ugly, but this year, I never have to go day without someone from family group telling me that they love me or that I am beautiful. I came to college insecure, with no confidence in myself at all; now I know that I have a whole phamily (yes, with a ph) here that is here to back me up no matter what - whether it's through encouraging bible verses, loving rebuke, or even accountability for things like sticking to my diet and going to the gym (which I won't deny, by the way, sometimes makes me feel very childish and sad).
In the end, I can say with confidence that God has been truly gracious to me, and at the (almost) end of my college career, I know that I have changed a lot. Now, there is no doubt in my mind that God is a loving and faithful God, and I know that He loves me as a Father loves his child. I am not unlovable because my God is an all-loving God who sees past my imperfections. I am not ugly because I was created in His image. And I am not dirty, because He has made me cleaner and whiter than snow. I know that He will continue to love me, and my hope and prayer request is that I will never forget that."
Labels: testimony
Written on Wednesday, April 25, 2012 at 11:09 PM
by tini
tired.
Where does this weariness come from? Why do I feel tired all of a sudden?
Not sure if I'm feeling burnt out, but recently I've definitely been feeling some kind of burden on top of my shoulders. I get so frustrated with myself because I forget things too easily, even when I write them down on paper!
I can't do this alone, and I know it's only because of God's grace that I've even made it this far. But I want to finish the year strong. I want to be able to be there for my friends, my family group members, and those around me. It's such a humble blessing when people come up to me for help, because I know that I'm not someone who's worthy of helping people.
I'm starting to realize how weak I am. That I can't help everyone. And I'm starting to get confused; at what point should I give up my efforts? Is it true that I can only help and minister to those who want to be helped and ministered to? Should I continue fighting for my friends hearts and souls, the ones that don't care to be helped? If I stop now, can I say that I've done all that I can to fight for their place in heaven? I honestly have no idea.
It's so draining to love others, and these days, especially my own friends. Are we really friends anymore? How can we be friends if we're not on the same page?
I need patience, I need love. I need to persevere.
I need to depend on Him. I need to remember that He is with me and His timing is perfect and His plan is Supreme.
Not sure if I'm feeling burnt out, but recently I've definitely been feeling some kind of burden on top of my shoulders. I get so frustrated with myself because I forget things too easily, even when I write them down on paper!
I can't do this alone, and I know it's only because of God's grace that I've even made it this far. But I want to finish the year strong. I want to be able to be there for my friends, my family group members, and those around me. It's such a humble blessing when people come up to me for help, because I know that I'm not someone who's worthy of helping people.
I'm starting to realize how weak I am. That I can't help everyone. And I'm starting to get confused; at what point should I give up my efforts? Is it true that I can only help and minister to those who want to be helped and ministered to? Should I continue fighting for my friends hearts and souls, the ones that don't care to be helped? If I stop now, can I say that I've done all that I can to fight for their place in heaven? I honestly have no idea.
It's so draining to love others, and these days, especially my own friends. Are we really friends anymore? How can we be friends if we're not on the same page?
I need patience, I need love. I need to persevere.
I need to depend on Him. I need to remember that He is with me and His timing is perfect and His plan is Supreme.
Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
(Isaiah 40:28-31)
Labels: weariness
Written on Monday, April 23, 2012 at 12:23 AM
by tini
asdfghjkl
Shoot. Shoot shoot shoot.
I honestly can't tell if God's timing is telling me to not like him or if that's just how life plays out sometimes. I don't know if it's because I want it to be the way life plays out sometimes and I'm actually in denial that it may just well be God's timing.
But whhhyyy?
I have confidence. I have confidence that he likes me back. And I'm not worried and calculated like some of my friends are, or like some of my friends tell me to be. I'm go-with-the-flow; I enjoy my time hanging out with him without expecting anything more.
It is getting tiring, though. Are you leading me on? Can't you just give me a straight answer? You either like me or you don't.
And why is it so hard to just let go? Because I don't want to ruin my friendship with him. Because I don't want "letting go" mean to sever all ties with him.
But maybe that's what I have to do; after all, it's not like he's been a good friend to me, too. All along, he's been a good "in-between", and I hate in-between's.
Soon, I'll have to make a decision and I feel like, either way, I'm going to get hurt if I don't properly guard my heart.
I honestly can't tell if God's timing is telling me to not like him or if that's just how life plays out sometimes. I don't know if it's because I want it to be the way life plays out sometimes and I'm actually in denial that it may just well be God's timing.
But whhhyyy?
I have confidence. I have confidence that he likes me back. And I'm not worried and calculated like some of my friends are, or like some of my friends tell me to be. I'm go-with-the-flow; I enjoy my time hanging out with him without expecting anything more.
It is getting tiring, though. Are you leading me on? Can't you just give me a straight answer? You either like me or you don't.
And why is it so hard to just let go? Because I don't want to ruin my friendship with him. Because I don't want "letting go" mean to sever all ties with him.
But maybe that's what I have to do; after all, it's not like he's been a good friend to me, too. All along, he's been a good "in-between", and I hate in-between's.
Soon, I'll have to make a decision and I feel like, either way, I'm going to get hurt if I don't properly guard my heart.
Labels: boys, frustrations, thoughts
Written on Sunday, April 22, 2012 at 2:19 AM
by tini
Sometimes I get scared that God is going to humble me in a very specific way.
I know I should change before it comes to that.
If it happens, it will surely be very humbling.
But it might also wreck me.
I know I should change before it comes to that.
If it happens, it will surely be very humbling.
But it might also wreck me.
Written on Monday, April 9, 2012 at 11:29 PM
by tini