"Today, I want to share with you two things that have blessed me greatly - The first part is how I've seen God work at Drexel. For those of you who don't know, Drexel ministry/HCF has been known for it's lack of girls. I came to Drexel and joined the family groups as not just the only freshman girl, but ended up being what seemed like the only girl that year. But over the last four years, I've had the privilege of witnessing God answering prayers in growing our girl's ministry. From one girl, to five, to eight, and then finally, to more than 20 girls this year! Even today, there are three of us here in the senior class, about to graduate. I know that numbers aren't the most important thing, but it has really encouraged me so much to see how faithful God is to His church, and how faithful He is in answering prayers.

The second thing I want to share with you is how God has blessed and grown me personally the past four years. Coming into college, I can tell you right now that I did not love God. I was raped two months before I left home for school. This is actually something I wasn't planning to share, but after a lot of thought, it feels important that I do. It was something that I didn't get to process after the fact, but looking back, I know that my relationship with God was severely tarnished. My insecurities started to constantly overwhelm me - there was never a moment when I didn't feel worthless, ugly, and most of all, dirty. Of course, no one could really tell. I went to church every Sunday, I attended both Drexel family groups my freshman year, and I went to most of the church events. But I think that there was a part of me that thought the more involved I was in church, the more clean and beloved I would become. Looking back, I think I also equated my involvement and church attendance with my love for God and maybe the extent of His forgiveness towards me, and I remember thinking that eventually, everything was going to be okay and I could just pretend that nothing had ever happened. 

But that was not the case at all. Going into my sophomore year and continuing throughout my junior year, I realized that I did not feel any cleaner, and I also realized that I did not feel loved. I became angry with the church and with God, and it was very easy for me to make excuses to not attend church or meetings or events. There were a few times I tried to share what happened with a handful of friends, and while a couple could only express words of comfort, I quickly stopped trying when I was told by the rest that it wasn't an uncommon thing to happen, or that I probably even deserved it. This only added to my hurt and bitterness. 

Honestly, I can't really say what changed between then and later; all I know is that, the summer between junior and senior year, God was working in me, and I can only credit His grace for opening my eyes to His love and blessings before me. Coming into senior year, everything was far from perfect, but at least I felt okay with everything around me. I wasn't necessarily buzzing with excitement, but I wasn't angry or sad. I kind of just felt like it was going to be an okay last year. But you know, God has shown me so much more this year than I could have ever imagined. Either that, or my eyes have just been less blind. But this year, again, I've been able to see God grow Drexel so much. I've been able to actively seek healing for my past hurts and pains. Above all, I've been able to see God actively loving me through those around me. I came into college feeling unlovable, unforgiven and ugly, but this year, I never have to go day without someone from family group telling me that they love me or that I am beautiful. I came to college insecure, with no confidence in myself at all; now I know that I have a whole phamily (yes, with a ph) here that is here to back me up no matter what - whether it's through encouraging bible verses, loving rebuke, or even accountability for things like sticking to my diet and going to the gym (which I won't deny, by the way, sometimes makes me feel very childish and sad). 

In the end, I can say with confidence that God has been truly gracious to me, and at the (almost) end of my college career, I know that I have changed a lot. Now, there is no doubt in my mind that God is a loving and faithful God, and I know that He loves me as a Father loves his child. I am not unlovable because my God is an all-loving God who sees past my imperfections. I am not ugly because I was created in His image. And I am not dirty, because He has made me cleaner and whiter than snow. I know that He will continue to love me, and my hope and prayer request is that I will never forget that."