0 COMMENTS

If there is one person whom I am challenged to love, it is my roommate. She was okay when I moved in with her, but that was until I realized how passive aggressive she is. If there's one thing that I really get frustrated at, it's passive-aggressiveness. It annoys me to no end when she leaves me little notes on my laptop, or texts messages to do this and do that, and it makes me want to flip tables over when I see her tweet trash about me without ever just talking to me face to face.

When I look at my roommate, I see someone God has placed in my life to love and serve. It's to the point where I am 100% aware in my head, "I need to be patient. I need to love her. I need to serve her the way a roommate would want to be served." Basically, if there's anyone I know whom needs my love and servanthood, my roommate is the first one that comes to mind.

But the most obvious to love and serve is also the most difficult to do so. I know I'm a messy person to live with (although I do get proud of the fact that I am at least not a dirty person), and I really do try my best to keep it tame and not get totally out of control, but there are times when things get a little crazy (like during finals) and I expect my roommate to just understand. But she never does. And she tweets about me like crazy instead of just talking to me. And every time she tweets about me, I get super bitter. I drop everything and just clean, even the things she doesn't want me to do, because I know to serve her is to go beyond what she expects. But honestly, I'm not really serving her. My bitterness makes it into an attack. Even though it's not directly hurting her, my mind constantly attacks her, and I often mutter under my breath as I clean.

1 John 3:15 says, "Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."

I don't know how to be better. It seems impossible to love when I don't want to love; how do I love someone who's so unlovable to me? I don't know how to be better.

0 COMMENTS

No matter what it is though, family group never fails to show me what a terrible person I am. Don't get me wrong; I love family group and I love all my members, and they have all been nothing but huge blessings to me. But I guess in the midst of it all, trying to serve the way God wants me to serve has taken a toll on my soul. I'm often angry and discouraged, not by others, but by myself, realizing how terrible an example I am to those I love around me. I know I've said this before, but honestly, how can I serve others when I don't even have my own life together? How can I encourage my family group members to be good students when I myself have terrible study habits?

It feels terrible to know that God has changed my life, given me so much joy, and provided my life with so much purpose, yet I do an atrocious job of showing it. It doesn't matter my intentions and justifications in anything I do...but I realize that even just at face value, my actions should show my faith and how much I want to worship God. If no one can tell on the surface that I have been transformed by Christ's grace, then what in the world am I doing?

"Never compromise your convictions."
"Access the situation, and then say what's on your heart."
"In the end, if everything comes back to God, then how can you not be a blessing?"

0 COMMENTS

This weekend I saw the type of person I never want to be.

I should try to be a lot more conscious about being a nasty gossip or being super judgmental.

Stay transparent.

I should also make a better effort to be cleaner, more organized, and on time.

Be more of an organized and productive student.

Stay happy, stay carefree. Do not be easily annoyed.

0 COMMENTS