8 Things I'm Thankful For This (past) Week

1. Jody rebuked me last Monday. A lot of my self-loathing comes from the fact that I feel like a terrible student. Every time I go to class late or without my homework, I feel super embarrassed, and it often leads to me not showing up to class because I'm too ashamed to go. But this Monday, I went to class, with nothing to show. At the end of class, Jody pulled me aside and told me, "This cannot happen again. You cannot fall behind and play catchup with the rest of the class." It was totally expected and super humbling, even though it was one of my worst nightmares. I felt shame wash over me, but I saw that it was because Jody cares about my progress and she just wants me to pass. Even though I'm still a little behind, it gave me the fear and motivation I needed to be more aware that I need to be on top of my work.

2. Suitup! potluck and hangout! We decided to forego a bible study this week because this coming week is Thanksgiving break and we won't be seeing each other. It was awesome because there were so many newcomers! It was also awesome because the potluck was actually kind of last minute, but there was both an ample variety and amount of food, and we all enjoyed ourselves as a family. Afterwards, a few of us stayed after to watch Facing the Giants, a Christian movie that p.Dave mentioned once in a sermon. Even though the acting was terrible, it was definitely moving and a good reminder that God will provide everything we need, and we should never forget to trust Him!

3. GCC Study Hall. Even though we all started dancing and broke concentration the moment Kevin, our room supervisor, left the room, it was still a good time of worship. I know I didn't get nearly as much work as I wanted done, but I could feel the spirit in the room as we all did our work. I definitely think we need more study vigils, and that they should be longer! 1.5-2 hours is not long enough! But yeah, we should never forget that our studies are a huge form of worship to God, and that this is the reason why we are here in the first place.

4. Suitup! girls sleeping over on Thursday night. Even though I couldn't stay and events made me not be around, it's always blessing for me to be able to open my house to others. Usually, Aerin will stay at my place because it's late and she doesn't want to commute back home, but Mio and Aimee both have their own apartments, and yet they still wanted to come over and hang out. I don't know exactly how to explain it but it just makes me feel really happy that I can serve others just by opening up my doors and offering my bed and blankets.

5. Going through all my facebook pictures with Zach. All my facebook photos are hidden because I hate how I look in more of them and it's too embarrassing to have them public. But Zach went through all his pictures with me, so I returned the favor. It was humbling, and even though my self-esteem kept going down with each picture, it made me realize that others will still like me even though I have bad pictures. I know this should be a given, and obviously I know this in my brain, but it's another thing to actually experience it. I know that my friends will not forsake me for having ugly pictures, but I really need to learn how to love myself and have more confidence, especially because God made me the way I am, and since He is perfect, I must be perfect in my creation, too. God makes no mistakes.

6. This is kind of related to the previous point, but Zach told me that one of the things he really doesn't like about me is that I have no confidence in myself, and it's true. And it made me realize that this is why I can't have a boyfriend (haha sorry I know I always talk about the same things). It's always been easier for me to love and serve others, to the best of my ability, and it never concerned me that I don't love myself. I figured that one day, I would find a guy who would love me for who I am, and that would make up for my lack of self-love, but actually, it's the opposite. How can I expect someone to love me if I don't even love myself? Therefore, no boys for me until I learned to at least accept myself in all that I am.

7. Megan and Joey came this weekend from Baltimore because Megan needed to get her stitches out. She ended up not getting her stitches out, but every and any time I spend with my best friend is always good. Being friends with Joey has also been great because even though he sucks at answering questions sometimes, we've had some pretty thoughtful conversations that have helped me a lot. It's also nice to be able to be friends with someone that is friends with Megan, instead of her hanging out with me and my friends or me hanging out with her and her friends (woo what a confusing sentence). And befriending Tiff is also a praise in my life! Even though I still don't know her that well, I feel like God has given me an older sister to look up to.

8. Eric being there for me when I needed him. Eric has definitely been one of the biggest blessings that God has provided me in my life, and even though last year was kind of rough, I'm glad to have such a great friend. Sometimes I'm iffy on which friends I can fall back on, not because I don't trust them, but because I'm scared of becoming a burden or a nuisance; as a result, I almost never initiate conversation to share my problems when I'm feeling sad/lonely/angry/depressed. But today, I'm glad I did. Even though it was emotionally draining, I definitely felt a lot better.

Yay for being so blessed this past week that I couldn't even condense it to 7 points! Actually, this past week has had a lot of lonely and discouraging moments, so realizing that my week has been blessed so much is a huge blessing in itself :)

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Written on Monday, November 21, 2011 at 1:44 AM by tini

7 Things I'm Thankful For This (past) Week

1. Being alive. Even though we should always be thankful for our life, this weekend was one that I was especially thankful to be alive. Friday was coined the "Ultimate Wish Day", because it was 11/11/11, and all year long, people have been excited for it to come to make their ultimate wish. Every year the past 8 or 9 years, I've been making wishes at 11:11 on 11/11, and any other time I happened to look at the clock at 11:11. But this year, I made no wishes, because I already have everything I need in life.

2. Megan's safety and ChaeChae's driving skillz...heh. 30 minutes into walking into my apartment, Megan had an accident and we had to bring her to the ER. She ended up getting two stitches in her thigh area, but her toes got cut pretty badly, and there was nothing that could be done except to wait for them to heal on their own. Thus, this weekend has been full of cab rides and slow walking. But I'm glad that she's okay, because they could've definitely been worse! Health and safety is never something we should take for granted!

3. My phaaaamily! I've never been big on celebrating my birthday because honestly, it's hard for me to see it as a day that's worth celebrating (that sounds emo, but I just mean that it's hard for me to see it as anything other than a normal day). So I was really blessed when HCF, Irene, Rena, and Tavi surprised me at Bossone! It was kind of overwhelming because it's a weird feeling (in a good way) to know that there are people who love you, and that they remember that your favorite cake is "chinatown cake" and your favorite superhero is Anpanman. Thank you guys, so much!

4. The Toast Family!!! On Friday was Big/Little, and I have a new grandlittle! Not only that, but Jenny visited from pittsburgh, and it was really nice seeing her. I'm also happy that this is the one year that I don't look like I don't know how to dress myself in all the pictures, although, for some reason, my eyes are freaking tiny in all the photos...>:O Oh well, yay for family expansion, and welcome to the grandlittle!!!

5. Waking up in time for church. I've been having a really hard time waking up lately (probably because I sleep so late...like right now, ugh) but this week, Megan has helped me wake up! Haha. And so I made it to church, and I was really blessed by today's message.

6. Being single. Maybe this sounds weird, but the reason why I say this is because I've been having to deal with my friends being in relationships, and it makes me so glad that I'm not in one and becoming "that girl". I see everyone around me making stupid decisions, moving too fast, or just being irrational, and it makes me glad that I don't feel the pressure of adhering to the social dating standard. Actually, this makes me sound like I'm making excuses for why I'm single, but really, I'm happy! Yay for being an independent lady!

7. Okonomi-yaki lunch today with my Suit Up! ladies. I wasn't exactly sure what to do for our girls family group hang out, and it was really awesome when Mio excitedly offered to have us over to her place for lunch. I wish that I were a boy so I could date Mio and have her make delicious food for me all the time...but really, her cooking was a huge blessing. At service, p.Young talked about servanthood today, and I think Mio has that type of heart, even though she may not know it yet.

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Written on Sunday, November 13, 2011 at 11:41 PM by tini

7 Things I'm Thankful For This Week

1. Being able to visit Baltimore safely and soundly and spend time with some fantastic people. To an extent, I kind of forced myself into their lives, but I do feel like I have a sort-of family down in Baltimore. New relationships are really awesome, and they've actually helped me get through a large part of this week!

2. Meeting up one-on-one with Mio and getting to know her more. I wish I had started meeting up with girls in my family group earlier, but so far, Mio's the first one. Even though I feel like there were things left unsaid, I'm so thankful that she was willing to share food with me and to open up and let me know more about her. She's so cute, and I really hope that soon she can also open up and talk more in family group!

3. Serving with Eric and Steve in Suit Up!, as well as Suit Up! as a whole! Servant meetings are really blessing, even though we go overtime a lot. I feel like God has really blessed us as a servants team and family group, and most of time, family group is the one thing I look forward to the most, and also ends up being a highlight of my week. This week was Aimee's birthday, and we awkwardly surprised her with cake and sparkler candles. Eileen also made cinnamon rolls because we had talked about them last week, and Keith was so happy! "Come over here and let me give you hug." HAHA. Also, hearing Eric talk about how he almost killed JP with a kite when they were children. JP almost dying isn't funny, but imagining Eric flying a kite is freaking hilarious.

4. Spontaneous WaWa trip with the little, and finding out who my grandlittle is! Best family ever.

5. Hanging out with Zach Wednesday night and having good conversation.

6. This sounds weird, but going on a bad date. I was really angry at the time and afterwards, but it's good to know that I can be independent, and that I'm not the type of girl who falls for any guy in front of her. It's a blessing to know I have standards and that I can keep to them!

7. Being alive despite having pulled all-nighters every night of this week!

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Written on Friday, November 4, 2011 at 8:23 AM by tini