8 Things I'm Thankful For This (past) Week

1. Jody rebuked me last Monday. A lot of my self-loathing comes from the fact that I feel like a terrible student. Every time I go to class late or without my homework, I feel super embarrassed, and it often leads to me not showing up to class because I'm too ashamed to go. But this Monday, I went to class, with nothing to show. At the end of class, Jody pulled me aside and told me, "This cannot happen again. You cannot fall behind and play catchup with the rest of the class." It was totally expected and super humbling, even though it was one of my worst nightmares. I felt shame wash over me, but I saw that it was because Jody cares about my progress and she just wants me to pass. Even though I'm still a little behind, it gave me the fear and motivation I needed to be more aware that I need to be on top of my work.

2. Suitup! potluck and hangout! We decided to forego a bible study this week because this coming week is Thanksgiving break and we won't be seeing each other. It was awesome because there were so many newcomers! It was also awesome because the potluck was actually kind of last minute, but there was both an ample variety and amount of food, and we all enjoyed ourselves as a family. Afterwards, a few of us stayed after to watch Facing the Giants, a Christian movie that p.Dave mentioned once in a sermon. Even though the acting was terrible, it was definitely moving and a good reminder that God will provide everything we need, and we should never forget to trust Him!

3. GCC Study Hall. Even though we all started dancing and broke concentration the moment Kevin, our room supervisor, left the room, it was still a good time of worship. I know I didn't get nearly as much work as I wanted done, but I could feel the spirit in the room as we all did our work. I definitely think we need more study vigils, and that they should be longer! 1.5-2 hours is not long enough! But yeah, we should never forget that our studies are a huge form of worship to God, and that this is the reason why we are here in the first place.

4. Suitup! girls sleeping over on Thursday night. Even though I couldn't stay and events made me not be around, it's always blessing for me to be able to open my house to others. Usually, Aerin will stay at my place because it's late and she doesn't want to commute back home, but Mio and Aimee both have their own apartments, and yet they still wanted to come over and hang out. I don't know exactly how to explain it but it just makes me feel really happy that I can serve others just by opening up my doors and offering my bed and blankets.

5. Going through all my facebook pictures with Zach. All my facebook photos are hidden because I hate how I look in more of them and it's too embarrassing to have them public. But Zach went through all his pictures with me, so I returned the favor. It was humbling, and even though my self-esteem kept going down with each picture, it made me realize that others will still like me even though I have bad pictures. I know this should be a given, and obviously I know this in my brain, but it's another thing to actually experience it. I know that my friends will not forsake me for having ugly pictures, but I really need to learn how to love myself and have more confidence, especially because God made me the way I am, and since He is perfect, I must be perfect in my creation, too. God makes no mistakes.

6. This is kind of related to the previous point, but Zach told me that one of the things he really doesn't like about me is that I have no confidence in myself, and it's true. And it made me realize that this is why I can't have a boyfriend (haha sorry I know I always talk about the same things). It's always been easier for me to love and serve others, to the best of my ability, and it never concerned me that I don't love myself. I figured that one day, I would find a guy who would love me for who I am, and that would make up for my lack of self-love, but actually, it's the opposite. How can I expect someone to love me if I don't even love myself? Therefore, no boys for me until I learned to at least accept myself in all that I am.

7. Megan and Joey came this weekend from Baltimore because Megan needed to get her stitches out. She ended up not getting her stitches out, but every and any time I spend with my best friend is always good. Being friends with Joey has also been great because even though he sucks at answering questions sometimes, we've had some pretty thoughtful conversations that have helped me a lot. It's also nice to be able to be friends with someone that is friends with Megan, instead of her hanging out with me and my friends or me hanging out with her and her friends (woo what a confusing sentence). And befriending Tiff is also a praise in my life! Even though I still don't know her that well, I feel like God has given me an older sister to look up to.

8. Eric being there for me when I needed him. Eric has definitely been one of the biggest blessings that God has provided me in my life, and even though last year was kind of rough, I'm glad to have such a great friend. Sometimes I'm iffy on which friends I can fall back on, not because I don't trust them, but because I'm scared of becoming a burden or a nuisance; as a result, I almost never initiate conversation to share my problems when I'm feeling sad/lonely/angry/depressed. But today, I'm glad I did. Even though it was emotionally draining, I definitely felt a lot better.

Yay for being so blessed this past week that I couldn't even condense it to 7 points! Actually, this past week has had a lot of lonely and discouraging moments, so realizing that my week has been blessed so much is a huge blessing in itself :)

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Written on Monday, November 21, 2011 at 1:44 AM by tini