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If there is one person whom I am challenged to love, it is my roommate. She was okay when I moved in with her, but that was until I realized how passive aggressive she is. If there's one thing that I really get frustrated at, it's passive-aggressiveness. It annoys me to no end when she leaves me little notes on my laptop, or texts messages to do this and do that, and it makes me want to flip tables over when I see her tweet trash about me without ever just talking to me face to face.

When I look at my roommate, I see someone God has placed in my life to love and serve. It's to the point where I am 100% aware in my head, "I need to be patient. I need to love her. I need to serve her the way a roommate would want to be served." Basically, if there's anyone I know whom needs my love and servanthood, my roommate is the first one that comes to mind.

But the most obvious to love and serve is also the most difficult to do so. I know I'm a messy person to live with (although I do get proud of the fact that I am at least not a dirty person), and I really do try my best to keep it tame and not get totally out of control, but there are times when things get a little crazy (like during finals) and I expect my roommate to just understand. But she never does. And she tweets about me like crazy instead of just talking to me. And every time she tweets about me, I get super bitter. I drop everything and just clean, even the things she doesn't want me to do, because I know to serve her is to go beyond what she expects. But honestly, I'm not really serving her. My bitterness makes it into an attack. Even though it's not directly hurting her, my mind constantly attacks her, and I often mutter under my breath as I clean.

1 John 3:15 says, "Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him."

I don't know how to be better. It seems impossible to love when I don't want to love; how do I love someone who's so unlovable to me? I don't know how to be better.

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If I were any other major I could just study study study until I didn't want to anymore and suffer the consequences but I cannot just decide to not make my book and get partial credit for tomorrows critique UGH UGH UGH.

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