Moreso than that, however, is my fear of being a hindrance to those around me. My biggest fear is definitely being an un-blessing to others, or to cause others to stumble. I don't want to be the cause of someone's unhappiness, hurt, frustrations or annoyances. But it feels like I don't really do a good job of that. I complain a lot, and I get bitter easily. I'm far from being a good role model, and sometimes I feel like, maybe, just maybe, this is who I am. Maybe I'm not able to make a difference, maybe I'm not able to help anyone out, and maybe I cause more destruction than comfort.

I'm not really sure what to do about it; there are so many things I need to change, and I am easily discouraged. How do I be a better blessing to myself so that I can be a blessing to others? I wonder why it's so hard for me to be organized, productive, or active. Why is it so hard for me to be healthy, and why is it so hard for me to be inspired or motivated to do things that are important, instead of just rolling around in bed watching TV?

In the end, my thoughts are pretty inconclusive, which kind of sucks, because I really, really want to be a better person. I just feel stuck within myself.

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